Negative Self-Talk & Resources

Ideally, an Inner Transition aims to re-frame negative self-talk and reduce self-criticism.Language is powerful. Words affect reality. For instance, the word 'should' can transform into the word 'could' or 'might'. Post-modern dancer and journalist Nancy Stark Smith recommends replacing ‘ambition’ with ‘curiosity.' Often the word 'but' can be upgraded to 'and.'   

Negative self-talk is a large topic with many available resources. The following resources are intended as an introduction. They draw from contemporary teachers who have suggested various practices for western audiences. This guide signposts a few recommendations for beginners. You could start with these, and if you'd like to continue learning, there are plenty more resources to discover.   

Benefits of Re-Framing Negative Self-Talk

(Nick Wignall - Elizabeth Scott) 

Re-framing negative self-talk has many benefits, for example: 

Inner Speech

Most individuals maintain some form of self-talk or inner speech, like the narrator or the inner voice they hear when reading. This is a normal part of a person's sense of self. Most individuals' self-talk includes a running commentary on their: 

●thoughts and emotions 

●self-image and self-reflection

●planning, problem-solving, and critical thinking

conscious or subconscious beliefs. 

The Inner Critic 

Negative self-talk can take the form of an 'inner critic.' The inner critic typically evolves from internalising the voices of other people saying how an individual 'should' think, feel, behave, etc. These messages – received since childhood from parents, friends, or society – are the source of negative judgments, limiting beliefs, and fictional stories. The inner critic can perpetuate such negative messages, often by repeating the same beliefs or stories, and can contribute to maintaining coping strategies or reactionary behaviours even when they are no longer helpful (see Compassion for Challenging Behaviour) 

The inner critic can become very strong and begin to dominate an individual's choices, especially in the absence of self-compassion (see Empathy & Compassion). The inner critic can use simple or sophisticated tactics to keep individuals disempowered, limited, or fearful. To begin noticing what unhelpful, irrational, or untrue beliefs are dominating one's choices, it can be helpful to first identify, and then listen to, the inner critic. Acting upon what the inner critic says is rarely helpful. An Inner Transition can involve becoming familiar with the inner critic, re-framing negative self-talk, increasing options, and allowing more choice.  

Psychologist Guy Winch describes some common 'psychological injuries' related to negative self-talk: failure, rejection, rumination, guilt and depression. Individuals who follow their inner critic: 

The inner critic can use examples of failure, rejection, rumination, or guilt to reinforce negative beliefs and dominate an individual's choices.   

Reinforcing The Inner Critic

(Eva Taylor Grant)

Certain behaviours reinforce the inner critic and increase negativity such as:

Denying one has an inner critic or negative self-talk 

Avoiding self-care (see Date With Your Self)

Poor health habits – physical, mental, emotional (see Self-Care Guides: Physical &Sensory, Nature, Mental & Worldview, Emotional & Social) 

Too much time alone (see Burnout to Balance) 

●Not seeking support (see Seeking Support) 

Too much time with negative people (see Self-Care Guide: Emotional & Social)

●Not addressing relationship problems (see Task-Process-Relationship) 

Individuals can become more aware of such behaviours and aim to replace them with ones that contribute to well-being.   

Kinds of Negative Self-Talk

(Dana Sparks – Nick Wignall)

Some of the many kinds of negative self-talk the Inner Critic commonly uses include: 

The Inner Critic Can Be Wrong 

(Nick Wignall) 

While the Inner Critic can use simple or sophisticated tactics to get its way, it can also rely on habitual patterns that do not accurately describe reality. The Inner Critic can exaggerate or distort reality and overfocus on negative interpretations. Psychologist Nick Wignall calls this 'cognitive distortion,' saying it is commonly associated with negative self-talk.   

Wignall suggests that negative self-talk is not an intellectual problem, it's rather a habitual problem. Most people understand that their negative self-talk is not completely true. The problem is their ​habit of repeating negative self-talk as if it were true. Part of an Inner Transition is learning to catch the Inner Critic whenever it presents inaccurate negative self-talk and re-frame it.   

Re-Framing Negative Self-Talk 

(Nick Wignall) 

Nick Wignall offers Cognitive Restructuring, an aspect of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as a useful technique for re-framing negative self-talk. It relies on consistently identifying habitual thoughts and re-framing them. This can be a transformative part of many kinds of Inner Transition. There are six basic steps in Cognitive Restructuring:  

1.Stop, pause, breathe, and re-center. (see Mindfulness - Re-Centering)

1. Identify what triggered the thought.

2. Notice any habitual thought patterns, like negative self-talk.

3. Identify any emotional reactions and rate how intense they are. 

4. Re-frame, re-script, and generate alternative thoughts.

5. Re-rate the intensity of emotions.

R.A.I.N. Technique

(Michele McDonald – Tara Brach)

To re-frame negative self-talk, psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach offers the R.A.I.N. Technique, based on Buddhist principles and Michele McDonald's model.

Like Wignall, Brach emphasises that the R.A.I.N. Technique is not a one-time magic pill, but a practice of consistently interrupting negative self-talk in order to break old habits and form new thought patterns. Gradually individuals can reinforce new habits and make an Inner Transition toward what she calls 'natural loving awareness.'  

Tips for Re-Framing Negative Self-Talk

(Elizabeth Scott - Jancee Dunn - Tamar Chansky – Brené Brown)

●Practice self-compassion (see Empathy & Compassion). Be kinder to yourself, and reduce your self-judgment. Most people have shortcomings or limitations; it's a common part of the human condition. Try embracing your imperfections. Be more willing to mess up, forgive yourself, and move on.   

●Reduce the power of your Inner Critic. Become more aware of your Inner Critic's activity and clever tactics. Try giving your Inner Critic a nickname, and their often-repeated negativity a title. For instance, 'Here's the Judge (or Nag, or Perfectionist, or Gremlin) with that same old Guilt Story (or tirade, rant, harangue, conspiracy theory).' Constrain your Inner Critic's negativity: let it only be allowed certain hours per day, or on certain topics. Take your negative self-talk less seriously. 

●Investigate the truth. Negative thoughts are not always true; they can be skewed, biased, or based on incorrect assumptions. See if your Inner Critic is wrong, maybe by magnifying or minimizing aspects of the truth. Contradict your Inner Critic and dilute your fear, judgment, shame, or guilt if they are not actually so strongly yours.  

●Adjust the frame. Try enlarging your perspective or scope. In all of history, among all people from your background, surely your shortcomings are not the worst. Your negative thoughts, emotions, or actions are not the totality of who you are. You have good points too. Try to see things in a more optimistic context. How might your best friend describe the situation? With honesty, love, compassion, and desire for you to improve?   

●Adjust the language. Sometimes you can interrupt your Inner Critic in the middle of a negative phrase, contradict it, and re-phrase it. You can mute the negativity by making it more neutral: e.g. adjust 'I hate this' to 'I don't like this.' Imagine you were talking to your best friend, or to a child. How could you re-phrase things more positively? e.g. adjust what you can't​ do to what you can​ do. Try some affirmations to expand what may be possible for you; and make them realistic to bypass your Inner Critic's objections.   

●Share with others; seek support. To help reduce shame and reinforce your re-frame, share some of your negative self-talk with a close friend or family member.Simply being witnessed, or saying it out loud, can be very helpful. Your Inner Critic may begin to appear unreasonable, unrealistic, or ridiculous.   

“(People) are disturbed, not by things, but by the notions that they form about things”. – Epictetus (c. 55-135 CE) Greek Stoic philosopher.   

Related Inner Transition Resources 

Inquiry: Empathy & Compassion 

Compassion for Challenging Behaviour

Date With Your Self 

Self-Care Guides - Physical & Sensory, Emotional, Mental, Social, Worldview, Nature 

Inquiry: Burnout to Balance - Doing & Being 

Seeking Support 

Task-Process-Relationship 

Mindfulness - Re-Centering 

References 

Brach, Tara. 2014, 2019. “Feeling Overwhelmed? Remember RAIN.” 

www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice 

Brach, Tara. Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN.​ Viking 2019.   

Briers, Stephen. Brilliant: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.​ Pearson Books 2009.

Brown, Brené. The Gifts Of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and 

Embrace Who You Are.​ Hazelden 2010.

Carson, Rick. Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way.Quill 1983.   

Carson, Rick. A Master Class in Gremlin-Taming: Freeing Yourself from the Monster of the Mind.Collins 2008.   

Chansky, Tamar E. Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: 4 Simple Steps to Overcome Worry and Create the Life You Want.​ Da Capo Lifelong 2012.   

Dryden, Windy, Jack Gordon, & Michael Neenan. What is Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy? Gale Centre Publications 1997. 

Dunn, Jancee. 2013, 2017. “Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic.”

www.huffpost.com/entry/negative-self-talk-think-positive 

Earley, Jay & Bonnie Weiss. Self-Therapy for Your Inner Critic: Transforming Self Criticism into Self-Confidence.​ Pattern System 2010.   

Edelman, Sarah & Louise Rémond. Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions. 

Feldman, Christina. “Liberation from the Inner Critic”​ audio.

http://dharmaseed.org/teacher/44/talk/3866/ 

Foster, Jeff. The Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening in Ordinary Life.​ Sounds True 2012. Grant, Eva Taylor. 2018. “7 Habits You Don't Realize Can Cause Your Negative Self-Talk.” 

https://www.bustle.com/p/7-habits-you-dont-realize-can-cause-your-negative-self-talk-13137479 

Greenberger, Dennis & Christine Padesky. Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. ​Guilford Press 1995.   

Hanson, Rick & Forrest. 2018. “How to Stand Up to Your Inner Critic.” 

https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-stand-up-to-your-inner-critic/ 

Hayes, Steven & Spencer Smith. Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. ​New Harbinger 2005.   

Hendrix, Harville. Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved. ​ Atria 2004.  

Jeffers, Susan. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. ​Ballantine 1987.

Jeffers, Susan. Feel the Fear...and Beyond: Mastering the Techniques for Doing It Anyway. 

Ballantine 1998.

Kwik, Jim. “How to End Negative Self-Talk.” ​ video https://youtu.be/-XkviCyYmZ0 

Neff, Kristin. 2019. “Fierce Self-Compassion: Unplug Your Inner Critic” ​ video. 

https://vimeo.com/333419113

Neff, Kristin. Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. ​audio. Sounds True 2011.  

Salzberg, Sharon. The Kindness Handbook: A Practical Companion.​ Sounds True 2008.

Scott, Elizabeth. 2020. “The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk.” 

https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304

Simon, Tami ed. The Self-Acceptance Project: How to Be Kind and Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation.​ Sounds True 2016  

Simon, Tami et al. “The Self-Acceptance Project: How to Be Kind and Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation.”​ free video series (with registration). 

http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/

Sparks, Dana. 2019. “Overcoming Negative Self-Talk.” 

https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/mayo-mindfulness-overcoming-negative-self-talk/ Wignall, Nick. 2019. “10 Types of Negative Self-Talk and How to Correct Them.” 

https://nickwignall.com/negative-self-talk/ 

Wignall, Nick. 2020. “Cognitive Restructuring: The Complete Guide to Changing Negative Thinking.” ​https://nickwignall.com/cognitive-restructuring/ 

Wikipedia. “Internal Monologue.”​ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internal_monologue 

Winch, Guy. Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries.​ Avery 2013. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rni41c9iq54  Youth Empowerment. “Challenging Negative Self-Talk.” Youth Empowerment. “Challenging Negative Self-Talk.”  

https://youthempowerment.com/challenging-negative-self-talk/ 

This document, prepared by Root Cuthbertson, is released under http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/